Real is more attractive than a slick and polished mask

the woman who birthed me

2005-12-29T00:40:59Z

...nothing i do will ever make her happy...

the big 2-0

2005-12-19T08:48:35Z

so i just turned 20, another year older...and wiser...we all hope. things i've learned...
~friends are the best things in the world...thanks to all of you out there!
~laughing is my favorite thing to do
~it's no use stressing. life's too short...might as well enjoy it all
~God has blessed me so much...and continues to do so everyday
~i'm happy in this very moment in time
i've kinda shut a lot of people out this past quarter and never go on here anymore. not necessary...i have never been able to spell that word...i had to figure myself out this quarter.now i hope to keep in better touch. we'll see, seeing as i don't have internet on my computer at home. LAME. just know i love you all! merry Christmas!

meh...

2005-09-22T23:44:02Z

today was a little better i guess...i only had three classes. next week it will be 4. so i take aural skills..better known as ear training. our prof is new and dumb. he spelled it ORAL skills on the syllabus. a guy was like "what the hell kind of class is this." it was pretty funny. but in all actuality, i'm scared to death of the class. he can;t even spell aural right. i got into dr. marvin's studio. i;m stoked. he was like dawn, i really want to teach you so if you want me as a voice teacher, you;re in. redeemed my day. i probably won't be on much seeing as i don;t have interenet in my freakin house. i love you all

i don't want to talk about it

2005-09-22T03:24:50Z

i'm not in concert choir.

back to b-ham i go

2005-09-13T21:48:17Z

so i'm heading back to b-ham tomorrow morning. how is that possible? where did the time go? yeah, back to school, which is a good thing...i think. i'm sick. this is not good. why you may ask? not only does being sick always suck...but i have my audition for choir in a few days. and i CAN'T sing. i can't even hum. my throat is a little bitch right now. i'm so so wrried about it. i'm trying not to worry because worrying is dumb and takes too much energy. but i can't help but stress out. how am i going ot get through a singing tryout when i can't sing a note? iye-yi-yi. the life of a music major. but it'll be ok. just keep telling myself that. i hope everyone has had a great summer! keep in touch!

my eye is back to normal...and my room rocks

2005-08-29T18:55:03Z

ok, so i went to b-ham this weekend to move my bunk beds and desk into the apartment. joyous!! it looks so good! so my mom and i decided to set everything up because my dad gets grumpy and annoying if he does it. so we started with the bunk beds. that went well until i was laying on the floor looking up at where a screw was supposed to go and wood chips and dust fell in my eye. LOL...it hurt so bad. i had to keep rinsing it out with water. my whole eye was swollen and blood shot. it was so gross. and my other roommate jessica came in and it was funny because we've only met a few times and here i am with a swollen eye, looking like the hunchback of notre dame. so we took a break and my mom, being the nurse she is said we have to go to the doctor to get it rinsed out because "you never mess with eyes injuries" (my mother) so i go get it rinsed out and looked at because it was all scratched up. they gave me stuff and now its all better. it was just hilarious, the whole situation. then we came bcak, finished the beds and tried setting up my desk...which took 3 hours because the directions were backwards. but now everything is set up adn looks amazing. i'm so stoked. it's all coming together. yay! and yesterday i went to the pena's for jeremy and melissa's b-day. that was fun and then to church which was awesome. and i end work on friday! hooray! finally a break for summer!!! i have a voice lessons tonite...i'm supposed to have my songs memorized. i have one down and the other semi-down...we'll see how that goes. the story of my life...i never memorize my music...i should really do something about that. i feel so relieved about the apartment. my parents are now excited and life is grand. God rocks my socks! well, back to work! peace

step back and breathe

2005-08-25T21:37:11Z

so yesterday was HORRIBLE. rachel wasn't here and it was insane. i didn't stop (besides lunch) until 4:57. i like to complain about everything seeing as the entry before i was bored out of my mind. but everything kept going wrong like deleted orders, angry phone calls, declined credit cards and traffic for miles and miles. there was a crazy 6 car pile up on hwy. 18. that scared the bageezies out of me. but i need to thank God right now for traffic in tacoma because i could have been part of the accident on 18. note to self: everything happens for a reason. rachel isn't here again. she's eight weeks pregnant and already can't make it to work. i never want kids. anyways. now i'm going to bellingham on sat. to hopefully bring stuff up and check out the apartment with the 'rents. who knows how that'll go. they have been constantly yelling at me about the apartment. i'm so frustrated. if i wasn't living there then i would be on the streets or with some freak of a roommate that i've never met before. i'm so grateful to katie for hooking me up with the apartment and all my parents can to is bite my head off. i hate it. and school starts so soon. where has the summer gone?? i'm going to church tonite. i'm stoked. we all have to dress up from either the 50's, 60's, 70's or 80's. it's going to be awesome. God has blessed me so much. again, i'm all done with work...but maybe that's a good thing. have a great day

and the saga continues...

2005-08-23T22:57:47Z

yet again i am bored out of my mind. at least i only have an hour and 15 minutes left. today has been a day not worth repeating. i'm so stressed out. rachel wasn't here until noon. the phone was ringing of the hook, marc had me doing ever order entry plus victoria gave me a bunch of paper sorting/hole punching to do before 1:00. problem is i'm only one person and marc said do orders first. but that took me until 11:30. then he told me to go on lunch so he could go before 1. i have an hour lunch adn come back trying to finish victoria's crap. so i finished that at 1:30...oops...but thank God victoria didn't mind that much. then i did the deposit and more orders. all the while answering the effing phone. people love calling and hanging up. nothign pisses me off more than when i'm in the middle of adding up money or orders and the phone rings only to find there is no one on the phone. breathe...i'm breathing. and my parents yelled at me yesterday about my appartment situation. AHH. and they don't want me moving to bellingham on the 15th because that's "so early" when in all actuallity, school starts the 21. it would be nice to have a week to get settled before school starts. i've had one day off this whole damn summer and they don;t understand that i need a break before school starts. oh well, things will work out. it's just been a crazed day. but i think i'm meeting alli at olive garden. YES! italian food fixes everything. i love you all and hope everything is great!

officially grossed out....

2005-08-22T21:44:22Z

ok, so kyle sr. is 89 years old. everyday he calls me beautiful or says hello gorgeous. i can handle that. but today i was putting mail away and he grabbed my butt. uh EW. he decided to cup my ass with his hand. NOT COOL. what the hell was i supposed to do? so i moved and wanted to puke. thank God victoria was there and said something to him later. EW EW EW. i'm feeling violated. and it's only 2:30. RAH. i swear, everyday seems to go by more slowly.
on a happier note this weekend was good, although i didn't do much. sat. i went to ikea. i need to find a bed and desk pronto...we'll see. and then my parents took me to see march of the penguins. lol...national geographic is nuts. this movie was insane. seriously penguins live the worst lives ever. it was interesting though. and then i came home and watched coach carter...it's really good. i recommend it. one of those feel good movies. sunday i slept in until noon...something i haven't done ALL summer. it felt amazing! then i went to fort lewis. whoa. it's so weird to drive by my house and see other people living in it. i miss it there so much...well i really REALLY miss my house. then it was church time. absolutely AWESOME! i seriouisly love it there. i wish it was in bellingham. oh well. two and a half more hours. and yet again i have nothing to do. fabulous.

bored outta my mind....

2005-08-19T21:52:52Z

i still have 2 hours and twenty minutes until work is out. i was done with all my work at 1:25. i've been dinking around since then and am bored outta my frickin' mind. marc has nothing else for me to do. everybody is leaving early because it's friday. so i know i live in auburn when the big orange traffic signs say exactly...this is quoted.."give 'em a brake" on hills. the joys. i'm coming to the realization that school starts in a month and 2 days. where did the summer go?? working everyday does that. what the heck am i gonna do for 2 more hours?? this blows. and rachel is leaving in a half hour. RAH. church was awesome last nite. i LOVE it there. i wish it was in bellingham. well, i'm officially out of things to say. i just hope these next 2 hours won't be the death of me.

trying to keep my eyes open

2005-08-17T23:08:38Z

so coldplay was absolutely amazing. it was wonderful and God is so awesome...He didn't let it rain!! it was such a great concert. i got to see evan too. that was cool. it took us two hours to get out of the parking lot though. ha...there are some pretty annoying people in parking lots when having to wait for a few hours...for instance, there were these old ladies smoking and yelling in british accents to be cool, but the thing is they weren't british and sounded ridiculous. and there were thse two girls, probably about 14 years old trying to hit on everything that walked, including the parking people who were riding horses. haha. i wonder if i was that obnoxious when i was that young. i sure as hell hope not. but alli and i made car friends and sang songs to pass the time. we got back and went to bed at 2:00 am....and woke up for work at 6:00 am...needless to say i'm exhausted. and today is moving really slow so i keep almost falling asleep. but it was way worth it. thanks again sara!!! i had a triple shot caramel macciato today. that kept me lively until lunch. man these past few hours have been going by so slow. only one hour until i get to trek home. then i think i'll watch girl interupted and fall asleep. sounds good to me. coldplay rocks my socks!!

so i'm goin to coldplay!!

2005-08-15T22:37:34Z

so sara, little miss lucky pants won tickets to coldplay, ans she already bought tickets so i get to buys her's and go! HECK YES! i'm so stoked. this weekend was fabulous...i hung out with the pena's, which was excellent because i don't see them very often. i love that whole family. they are the best. then sat. i had to practice for voice lessons...boo...i'm NOT ready...and went to dinner with rita and nina. it's so great to hang out with them. sunday rita, nina nad i spent the day in seattle and then went to church with some other friends. it was great. rita leaves today for hawaii. i'm super bummed but i just gotta remember four months will fly by really fast, especially if it goes by like this summer. i register for classes in exactly one month. yikes. man, the Lord is so great. it's amazing to see God working through people. so i need to find a wamu atm before voice lessons tonite...or suck it up and pay a service charge. COLDPLAY! well, i hope everyone is great! 1.5 hrs. left...

it's not everyday that....

2005-08-12T20:22:07Z

so i'm sitting at starbucks in my jeans and a sweater beacuse it's been kinda cold out. so this old guy, let's say 65 asked me if i was cold. he was in shorts a t-shirt that says bare buns run and flip flops. so i reply yeah, it's kinda cold outside. so the guy starts laughing and proceeds to tell me he's a nudist from new york...HEAVY accent...so we talked about ny seeing as i lived there...he lived in syracuse too... and how italian people are cool...because we are...and how he likes to ride bikes and wash his windows naked...kinda creepy. so i was cracking up inside because it's not everyday that you meet a 65 year old nudist. i got a kick out of it. he was a little too open though. who shares that they do everything naked with a complete stranger. then he asked me if i have ever been to a nudist colony...can't say that i have. it was crazy, but quite amusing.
church last night was great. God is so amazing. i feel so fulfilled right now. *smile* life is great. enjoy the small things like nudists who what to talk over coffee.

howie day was wonderful

2005-08-11T23:06:16Z

so rita and i went off to see howie day, with only momentary delays...i kinda kept going on hwy 18 and we got kinda lost, but thats besides the point...anyways. so we went to dinner at this place called troianni's...it was a bit high class and we were underdressed to say the least. they valle parked my truck..haha. i'm not used to the fancy treatment. and there was nothing on the menu under $15. but we had a $50 gift card so it was pretty sweet. good food. weird waiter. cool valle guy. then we went to the concert. the showbox was PACKED. so a girl named missy higgins opened for howie day...she is UH-MAY-ZING. seriously so so incredible. even better live. it was so great. then another girl played, anna or annie something...then howie day! which was AWESOME. but alas, we parked in a parking garage that closed at midnight so we had to leave early. so we missed a lot of howie but it was still so great. we were on the side by the girls bathroom and let me tell you, never get int he way of a girl who has to pee. people were viscious...they were pushing us everywhere. but it was well worth it! and yesterday i went to east west with rita sara and christa. that was delicious as always. and then joe came to meet us for coffee...it was so good to see him. and we saw steven who works there! YAY! life is good. God is incredible, and i am happy. i hope everyone is doing well. katie i wish you were here. i love you and will talk to you soon!

random acts of kindness

2005-08-09T20:06:31Z

so today started off not so good...rachel is out sick and the phone was ringing off the hook. juggling that and orders was a pain...and my patience was tried for sure, especially since people call and hang up. :( but then something amazing happened...haha...so the guy i order office supplies from sent me flowers with the delivery. he is SO nice. seriously, i got flowers at work from a guy i talk to over the phone every monday. so i called to thank him and he was like yeah, you diserve them. it was so sweet. THANKS STEVE!! so needless to say i get to stare at roses until i get out early for the howie day concert! what a great day. aw. i feel so special right about now! :) as doug would say, "it's a beautiful day!!" i hope all is well with everyone! i'll let you know how the concert is...i'm so stoked!

God is amazing

2005-08-08T23:44:18Z

camping was exceptionally great. it was so wonderful to see people i haven't seen all summer. baker was BEAUTIFUL. the only issue was the misquitoes...i counted 50 misquito bites an stopped beacuse i was bored. they itch so bad. they're everywhere too. my toes to my face. it's attractive. but it was so good to relax and hang out with friends. sunday i got home and went to church with rita at new song. it was one of the best church services i've ever been to. it was so touching and hit me hard. God is so so SO incredible and i am so blessed. *sigh* i can't begin to write how wonderful it was. and howie day is tomorrow! YAY! i'm pretty excited. on another note, our apartment in bellingham got broken into. i feel so SO bad for katie. i love you hun and i'm so sorry this happened to you. people are ridiculous. seriously. twenty more minutes until work is out. it's been slow and rachel has been puking none stop all day. i never want to be pregnant. it shouldn't be called morning sickness when it lasts ALL day. she had to go home early today. no babies. well, pray for katie and i hope everyone is doing marvelously! keep in touch!

rejuvenated

2005-08-03T23:43:01Z

so this weekend was exactly what i needed. as soome as i took the bellingham exit an immense feeling of relief took over and i felt at peace. it was so great to hang out with my sister one on one. we really bonded over the weekend. she is one cool kid and i had the best weekend of my life. i am so proud of her. and she never ceases to amaze me. we went shopping for her trip to d.c. which she is absolutely freakin' out about. i don't know if she'll even go. and we saw charlie and the chocolate factory which she loved and went to thai and i played poker for the first time...and won! heck yes!! i got 3 sets of pocket kings in 12 hands, it was hilarious. everyone was pissed i won. haha. but the best part was talking to my sister about EVERYTHING under the sun. she makes me feel so much better about a lot that has been on my mind. and i got to see katie and michael momentarely which was great. i just feel so calm right now, like i don;t have a plan but everything is going to work out wonderfully. i can't wait to see what God has in store for me. and i hung out with rita yesterday which was amazing. God has really taken a hold of her and she so on fire for Him. What an inspiration. i'm stoked to go camping this weekend. it's gonna be fun!~ i can't wait for school to start again. after going to bellingham and having such an incredible time, i can't wait to go back. i felt such peace while i was there. life gets crazy and sometime you just have to step back and breathe. *sigh* but work has slowly brought me down from cloud nine. only twenty more minutes! YES!! i had a voice lesson on monday. i warmed up to a high c effortlessly. i can really see my voice has grown. hopefully try-outs will go good this year. life is beautiful. it's amazing to feel truely happy.

trenta y ocha minutos mas

2005-07-28T23:38:09Z

yet again another boring day. i'm kinda grumpy today. i don't know why. i get to go to bellingham tomorrow...YAY! katie...we need to hang out. i'll try calling you again! so where the hell did july go?? pretty soon it'll be back to school. so today was sara's dad's birthday. i made him a cake from scratch, it was fun! and it looked beautiful until it stuck to the pan on part of it and i had to try to glue it with frosting, but the car ride to work was so bumpy beacuse of construction that it broke...oops. it was red velvet cake...and i used two bottles of food coloring! HA. it was delectable! :) i was proud. he liked it. i can't wait to go to bellingham. i need to go relax for the weekend. i'm so sleepy. i shpuld stop writing beacuse i have to try hard to think of stuff to say. KATIE...CALL ME! i love you

the sand is stuck in the hour glass...

2005-07-27T23:07:19Z

time is going by so so slow. i still have an hour and three minutes until i'm outta here. i'm stoked to go to b-ham this weekend. it should be fun nnd hopefully i get to check out my apartment again...and hang out with katie if i can ever get a hold of her! :) and i'm supposed to stay and hang out with my sister all weekend. maybe i'll take her to charlie and the chocolate factory...which by the way is freakin' histerical. i haven't laughed that hard consecutively is ages. i almost peed my pants. i love LOVE LOVE it. anyways. i'm bored out of my mind. i already checked my e-mail and looked through my IKEA catalog... SIGH i live for IKEA. it is amazing. i got my howie day tickets in the mail. yay! i guess the show is sold out so that's pretty freakin' cool. i wish i could blink and it would be five o'clock. i had the best chocolate cake of my life yesterday...and today...i brought some to sara. she knows. come on clock. damn. isn't it funny how a year flies by and one hour can feel like an eternity?? ah. victoria just snapped at me because i don't know who is on the phone for her. i can't wait to leave and go to bed.

angelsandsaints @ 2005-07-25T16:18:00

2005-07-25T23:27:33Z

so talk about a very random weekend...

saturday alli invited me and sara to go to a concert in seattle. one of her co-workers was in one of the bands playing. so we went a putzed around seattle for a bit, got the best gelatto from an italian man, and went to the concert at the showbox. three bands played, handful of luvin', the cloves and the republic, all of which were amazing. so we ended up seeing this guy from western and the handful of luvin' went on stage and it turns out we knew two of teh guys from the band. they used to play at open mic night in bellingham all the time. it was pretty much AWESOME!! and alli's coworker kevin played with the cloves. each band was amazing and it was so much fun chillin with the girls. we saw signs for howie day at the sohwbox....
sunday i was listening to the radio and they said the ninth caller to call in wins howie day tickets. so i called on teh off chance that i would win and luck was on my side because i just happened to be the ninth caller. that was pretty sweet. so august 9th i get to go see howie day at the showbox for free. yay me. i hope everyone's lives are going wonderfully. keep in touch! i love you all!

thought of the day

2005-07-21T23:55:20Z

i wanna be a rock super star, live large, big house, five cars.

I don’t know whether to wonder when I’m going to die or when I’m going to finally start living.

2005-07-18T18:33:24Z

I can’t begin to explain the way I feel. I’m struggling with this thing called growing up. I’m stuck between wanting to be free and wanting to be a kid forever. I’ve found that I can easily hold grudges; I’m not ready to forgive. Maybe this means I’m not ready to be forgiven. I’m a mess of every emotion known to man. And jumping from past to future hurts my heart. I hate the part of growing up when the only things you care about are the only things that change. Why is this? Is it because they are the only ones you notice? Possibly. All I know is I’m not prepared to let go. I’m not prepared to move on. I want everything to return to normal, the way I left it. And the fact that I know this will never happen is eating me alive. What do you do when you’re stuck between past and future? And present is this weird out of body experience believed to be unreal. I’m confused. I don’t know whether to wonder when I’m going to die or when I’m going to finally start living.

i think i'm turning japanese i really think so!

2005-07-15T23:01:04Z

so i do believe i am on some rare form of narcotics at the moment. i am definately in a mood inappropriate for a business setting. i haven't been this wound up in a long time. i'm going absolutely crazed. i guess that means i fit in with my work environment...which brings me to the story of today...so lisa, the one toothed lady who told me i was pathedic for not having a boyfriend...which really makes me sad considering she has no teeth and told me this, but anyways, she was telling me about her animals that she used to own when she was little. so she said she used to cut the heads of snakes and play with their limp little bodies for hours. oh no no, it get's worse...then she proceeded to add that when her dog had puppies her dad cut off the tails and made them into a necklace. and you thought it stopped there...her little sister wore the necklace of puppy tails everywhere and screamed when they tried to take it off. now, i ask myself, where do they find such high quality people to work here at smith western? they are absoltely nutty. no one in there right mind wears dog tails around their neck. she said they also used to swing the chickens around by their heads so the heads popped off and then would watch them run around until finally giving into death. i'm kinda scared for my life right now. haha. freakin psycho. and it's 3:55 ,can we talk about this. i am bored out of my mind, going off my rocker. ha i've always wanted to say that. but i do get payed today! yes. aah. oh no. nina just used the restroom. she must have been having some troubles because the whole hall smells. well, i will save you all the pain of reading more. did i mention i love firemen??

so then i found twenty bucks...

2005-07-12T23:10:13Z

this day should have never happened. so rachel is sick and today just happened to be the busiest day ever in the history of my job. it was not pretty. and it is now three o'clock. and things decided to die down. one more hour. but seriously, we have nine phone lines. all nine were in use several times. the phone has been ringing off the hook and i am the only one to answer teh phones because rachel is sick. marc answers only when the phone rings like 10 times. it's been insane. i just need to breath. and after work i have to go to the bank to set up a cd...which could take God knows how long. hopefully it won't be busy and i'll be in and out. we'll see about that. i'm so sleepy. i hate the sound of the alarm at 6:00 every morning. so much for sleeping in in the summer time. the real world sucks. i want to be five forever. haha. sleep sounds so good right now. and what's up with this weather? bi-polar washington. i'll never understand. i'm just happy i'm not the weather man. i guess i should get back to work, although there is nothing to do but watch the next 55 minutes go by. awesome. peace

i'm not a damn yuppie

2005-07-11T23:56:08Z

so this guy, well actually, he's brothers rachel, the girl who's job i took over, had this huge discussion with me about how i'm a yuppie. no, i'm not. yeah, my family is pretty well off, we live comfortably, but that doesn't mean i'm a yuppie. geeze. work has been pretty slow today. i actually had time to read because there was nothing else to do. i'm pretty tired and have a nice hour drive ahead of me. living in auburn is lame. LAME. i saw dark water yesterday. it was ok. it was suspenseful but not scary. you just didn't know what was coming. i don't think i recommend it. $9 is a lot of money. anyways, my sister came home this weekend. we were going to go to alanis morissette but tickets were $70 for crap seats so we're going in november up in vancouver. i'm stoked. she's crazed. we had to go shopping for her boyfriend nick because he has this huge national chemistry convention. he has to wear nice clothes...business attire. let's just say he is a 36 short in business jackets and a 28/30 in pants. it was so hard to find things that fit that skinny boy. well, work's out! YES!